The Kiss

New Years Eve, 2011

It’s snowing now, a heartfelt snow
as light begins to dimly glow
and candles burn their sweet perfume
and fill this sanctuary room
will midnight bring my ‘passioned kiss
or will the one I love, be missed.
Into The Night

Kissing is the most intimate act two people can perform.

For this last post of the year,  here are just a few examples of the different types of kisses we all may have experienced, and may experience tonight;  from those of sheer obligation, to the greatest one possible.  Which will you have this New Years Eve?

First, there is…

The Tolerant kiss:

I never once saw my parents kiss, except on their 50th wedding anniversary.  Now, I’m sure they did, and probably with great passion when they were younger.  But in the  years I knew them, it was a relationship of tolerance and companionship more than a relationship of love and passion.  People tell me that’s what happens when you get older, and it’s just a normal occurrence.  That sounds like an excuse to me; when two people let love’s light burn out before its time.  I’ve seen many older people kiss like teenagers.

But my parent’s kiss on that day was unemotional, and it perfectly communicated the lack of intimacy I’d witnessed between them.  It couldn’t have been closer to a tolerant peck on the cheek, than if they had actually done that.

In fact, the tolerant kiss is the kiss that takes place when two people have simply given up on each other, but stay together.  It’s also the kiss of two people who are together for the sake of convenience; being together to fulfill other needs, which are greater than their need for intimacy.  These people often find themselves being fulfilled “on the cheatin’ side of town” as the Eagles so perfectly wrote in their song“Lyin’ Eyes.”

And their kids usually end up in therapy.

Then there is…

The In-between Kiss:

This is just what it sounds like, and it’s the most frustrating kiss of all.

It usually takes place when one person wants the relationship more than the other. They’re both still trying, but one has a lingering doubt, while the other has no doubt at all. They’ve been together for a while, so there is some intimacy in the kiss, but without full conviction from one of them.  There is also some passion in the kiss because, at one time or another, there was some level of passion in the relationship.

But this kiss is like a tug-of-war, and almost always contains some level of stress and lack of fulfillment.  One person is “over-kissing,” trying to draw the other person in, while the other person is “under-kissing,” trying to maintain some distance and ultimately keeping the other person out.

These people must avoid alcohol at all times. If they don’t, they will revert back to the lustful kiss they’ve shared on occasion, which only complicates and extends the relationship.  Ultimately that ends them right back where they started, with the in-between, and frustrating, kiss.   They should especially avoid tequila.  This could land them in Vegas, and married, resulting inevitably in the tolerant/companionship-like kiss, and with their kids in therapy.

Then there is….

The Lustful kiss:

Hopefully we’ve all had these.  It’s purely sexual in nature.  There’s no intimacy involved, at least at that moment, and it’s usually just a hungry kiss by two people who are sexually attracted to one another.  Tongues are flying, bodies are writhing, and hands are roaming.  These kisses almost always lead to sex, which also isn’t intimate at that moment.  It’s just the pure animal urge to … well … you know, that we all have.  But both the kiss and the sexual act feel pretty damned good.   (At least that’s what I’ve been told.)  This doesn’t mean that the two people aren’t intimate.   It’s just at that moment, intimacy is not what it’s all about.

No matter what age I am, I hope my tongue is still flying and my body is still writhing.

Then there is….

The Passionate Kiss (which I wish for all of you this New Year’s Eve)

The friends and family of these two people aren’t quite sure if these two are suited for each other, or will make it as a couple, but these two don’t care what anyone else thinks.  Their kisses are romantic and hot, tender and loving, and through them, they are finding the intimacy in their relationship.  When they’re not kissing, they talk about kissing, email each other about kissing and can’t wait to kiss again.  They may have issues and incompatibilities, but the kisses are so loving and passionate that they believe they can overcome anything.  These are also the “we fell in love” kisses which encourage hope and an “anything is possible” approach to life.

These are great kisses.  However, friends and family are sometimes right, so have “protection” very close by if you haven’t had “the operation.”  You want to avoid having kids in therapy, if you possibly can.

Finally, there is the best kiss of all.  It’s called the….

“Let me find your kiss” kiss:

Ms. Nyack taught it to me. Or at least she tried to.  One night she said “let me find your kiss.”  And I let her.

This is a kiss that seeks the core intimacy that resides in all of us.  It brings the relief of relaxing enough to allow one spirit to connect with another.   This kiss replaces the excitement of a new kiss, and allows the inner spirits of both people to be set free from inhibitions and restrictions.  The process is like having a ring full of keys, where every one fits the door lock, but only one opens it.   Ms. Nyack was experienced with this type of kiss, and she patiently tried “key after key,” voicing simple instructions for me to follow, until I was relaxed enough for her to find “the” key to my most intimate feelings. And still going slow, the “door” opened, and everything in my heart and soul slowly poured from my lips to hers.  Those kisses were the most powerful and meaningful kisses I have ever experienced.

The ability to bring out the core intimacy of a person through a simple kiss is truly a gift; both given and received.   I’m not sure how many people have actually experienced something as powerful as those kisses, but trust me, it’s a goal everyone should strive to achieve and experience in their lives.

So, on this New Year’s Eve, I wish the following for all of you at the stroke of midnight (in this order):

That you receive a “Passionate Kiss” where the kiss is romantic and loving and makes everything good in life seem possible.

That if you give or receive a “Lustful kiss,” that your motives are clear, you’re not being manipulated or manipulating, and that there is a private room available nearby if needed.

That if you receive the “In-Between” kiss, that you be patient and respectful as each person tries to find their way, or the rest of the night could be a long one.

That if you only receive a “Tolerant or companionship-like” kiss, you knew before hand to expect it, so you’re not disappointed.

The “Let me find your kiss” kiss is not suitable for situations that require exact timing, so don’t even try to go there.

And now I leave you with a famous quote, and an appropriate poem.

You should be kissed, and often
And by someone who knows how.
Rhett Butler, Gone With the Wind

And finally,

Kisses kept are wasted;
Love is to be tasted.
There are some you love, I know;
Be not loathe to tell them so.
Lips go dry and eyes grow wet
Waiting to be warmly met.
Keep them not in waiting yet;
Kisses kept are wasted.
Edmund Vance Cooke

In 2012, may none of your kisses be wasted!   

Happy New Year Everyone!

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